Shoot Me in the Heart: What Makes a Movie Gay?

Though it retreats from a satisfyingly manly kiss at the end, for me, Shoot Me in the Heart is definitely a gay romance. The two leads — a bad boy (Lee Min-ki) with violent tendencies who's been institutionalized by his greedy stepbrothers and a long-haired semi-mute (Yeo Jin-gu) who everyone at the psych ward refers to as "Miss Lee" — definitely have a courtship of sorts going on as the dom of the relationship constanty flirts — and even climbs into bed — with the same-sex sub who eventually comes around to his handsome bunkmate's charms. Even those around them — hospital staff and crazy inmates alike — recognize they were made for each other!

But can these two caged lovebirds survive the physical brutality of this particular institution? Will electroshock treatments leave them brain-dead and, in one case, blind? Can they possibly escape to freedom and what might they do when they're finally out? Instigate conga lines to Chubby Checker's "Let's Twist Again" at the local karaoke club? Mun Je-yong's love story might not lead to the desired lip-on-lip action (or grip-the-hip either) but it could've and should've. Who wants to discover they're best friends instead of friends with benefits? Not me! One wonders whether the censors came into play or the director had homophobic mass appeal on his mind. It's possible the screenwriter didn't know his own inclinations but at this point in the 21st century, I wish the unapologetically queer story weren't resisted. We're well past that. Succumb. Succumb.

Believer: What You See Is What You Get

Visually, Lee Hae-young's Believer has all the components you'd expect from a thriller: the overhead shot of the car zooming down a lonely road, the stylish high heels stepping out of a car door, the close-up of someone doing a line of white powder, the helpless victim handcuffed to a chair... But despite the signature images, the endless backstabbing, the ever-complicating exposition, Believer never really manifests a world. I never sensed a camaraderie among the detectives, never bought the world-weariness of its lead cop (Cho Jin-woong), never cared about the two-faced naif (Ryu Jun-yeol), never felt the urgency of finding the mastermind druglord behind all the crimes.

In such a frame of mind, I watched Believer unfold with an indifference that made the subtitles somewhat irrelevant. Maybe the film would've been more cryptic if all I had to go on was the sight of shirtless men ranting, deaf cooks signing, suited men and women shooting, a poor dog bleeding. Certainly, the spectacle would make for a nice background when listening to an album by The Detroit Cobras or vintage Isaac Hayes. At times. But would I even look? Or would I close my eyes and feel the bass as a movie of my own making plays inside my tired head? No filmmaker myself, I'd probably be better served by checking out the original that inspired it: Johnny To's Drug War.

Space Sweepers: It Takes a Crew to Raise a Child

The four astro-pirates in Jo Sung-hee's Space Sweepers aren't looking to adopt a child. To the contrary, the least likable member of the crew — Tae-ho (Song Joong-ki) — is frantically doing all he can to retrieve the corpse of his neglected daughter before she drifts outside his galaxy. Yet once new kid "Dorothy" (Park Ye-rin) arrives on the scene, Ship Engineer Tiger Park (Jin Seon-kyu), Captain Jang (Kim Tae-ri), and resident robot Bubs (Kim Hyang-gi) discover their tenderer side and fall hard for this irresitbly precocious little girl.

Adoption has never been an easy process, though. And that's especially true in this apocalyptic future where eco-activists and a mad scientist (Richard Armitage) are set on saving and destroying the Earth, respectively. Good guys and bad alike want to get their dirty paws on this pipsqueak. As for her, she's digging her newly chosen family and is willing to call on her inner nanobots and compel those pesky nanobots into outerspace to fight off deadly lasers, metal claws, and the biggest bomb humankind has ever seen. Here's to the next generation!

Pinkfong & Baby Shark's Space Adventure: Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo

With lyrics like "Wow wow wow wow, yoo-hoo-hoo" and "Good, good, good, good, good to see you," only a moron would expect Pinkfong & Baby Shark's Space Adventure to deliver a deeply considered story. What Byeon Hee-sun's animated feature is concerned with instead is keeping ADHD kids happily occupied with hyper-peppy tunes accompanied by cheerily kooky visuals. Pinkfong and best friend Baby Shark may ostensibly be pursuing fragments of a star decal that fell of their flying saucer (and landed on themepark planets Dino, Spooky, Jungle, 8-Bit, and Ocean) but what they're more worried about ia keeping your eyes and ears from mstraying from their supersaturated environs. Animals and creatures will dance for the slightest reason! Keep watching, keep singing along!

As for the catchy recurring tune "Baby Shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo" — which has equally inane verses for every member of the shark family: Baby, Mommy, Daddy, Grandma, and Grandpa — that song culminates unexpectedly with fearful fishes fleeing to the lyric "Run away doo doo doo doo doo doo." So while other melodies forgettably reword kiddie standards like "I'm a Little Teapot," "Old McDonald Had a Farm," "London Bridge Is Falling," and "La Cucharacha," this main theme has a dark undercurrent. A shark quipping "I think all of this polution is making me miserable" also has its shadowy side. Is the medium the message?