Star Nextdoor: Mommie Coldest

The core premise of the comedy Star Nextdoor isn't particularly funny: A shallow, vain product-spokeswoman (Han Chae-young) refuses to acknowledge her adolescent daughter (Jin Ji-hee) as anything more than a pesky neighbor, in essence leaving her mother (Kim Bo-mi) to take on childrearing duties so she can pursue career-making movie roles and sexy pop stars 13 years her junior. Laughing yet? Me neither. So will the three women ever live "their truth"? Will the incredibly popular Sense frontman (Im Seul-ong) stick by the side of a cougar who had a baby out of wedlock? Will the tabloid reporter (Im Hyung-joon) be the one to crack a case that involves uterine cancer and pre-marital sex? Is ham sushi a thing? These are stupid questions but the bigger questions Kim Seung-wook's comedy poses are worse yet, questions like: Can a woman be a good mother and still have a career? Does not having an abortion grant you a pass for neglecting your child for 16 years?

To describe Star Nextdoor as an anachronism would be an understatement. While the story may factor in cell phones, chat rooms, and viral content as part of its plot, the narrative here is rooted in eternally offensive portrayals of women as nagging, dimwitted, and self-obsessed. Maybe that's why this movie showed up in my YouTube search results for "Korean full movie with English subtitles horror." Those search engines know content better than you might expect nowadays. This movie is scary in a way. Then again, Star Nextdoor probably also appears if you search for "korean comedy teen tennis spicy food swag bag actor's double life" or "korean movie generation conflict girl squad k-pop child abuse secrets money fame," too. But why would anyone google all those terms? Well, why would anyone make this movie? And why did I watch it?

Doomsday Book: Three Short Films Herald End of the World as We Know It

The apocalypse elicits mixed feelings in me. The primacy of survival appeals to my minimalist bent. The mass destruction of life makes my heart break. Secretly, between you and me, I think that technological advancements don't always advance society but that doesn't mean that I want to see planet Earth turned into a cinder of its former self to make a technophobic point. The three doomsday scenarios played out in Doomsday Book tap into some of my fears and some of my frustrations about the end of the world scenarios, although only one does it in a way that's truly artful. That's not the first entry, Yim Pil-sung's In a Brave New World, a vegan parable that posits that one bad apple is going to transmogrify mankind into rageaholic zombies, after the rotten fruit is eaten by a cow that's eaten by another cow. The winner isn't the third short either, Yim's Happy Birthday. This woeful tale of world's end finds a little girl (Jin Ji-hee) mistakenly making an e-purchase for a meteor that resembles a giant 8-ball. You can scratch that one off your must-see list too.

The standout, for me, is -- Kim Jee-woon's The Heavenly Creature. This mesmerizing short concerns a service robot (voiced by Park Hae-il) at a Buddhist temple who may or not be the latest re-incarnation of Buddha himself. Both suspenseful and philosophical, The Heavenly Creature is chockful of clever social commentary about consciousness, loneliness, self-actualization, pets, corporate hierarchies, religion, perception, apartment dwelling, etc. It's strong enough to stand alone, even if it's running time is under an hour. The end is near. Who has time for a long movie?

Footnote for completists: Ryu Seung-beom headlines In a Brave New World as the Adam of the new zombie race while director Bong Joon-ho (The Host, Mother, Memories of Murder) also makes a brief appearance (in front of the camera for a change).

Hansel & Gretel: The Babies of Beelzebub

Childhood, smilehood. Put it that way, and it all sounds so cloyingly sweet, doesn't it? Well, it's just that kind of sickly preciosity that Yim Pil-sung is scrutinizing in his K-horror remake of the Grimm fairy tale. His Hansel & Gretel is no faithful adaptation, however, dear reader, for despite the title, there are three kids, not two, and the carnivorous witch is long gone leaving the children to lure unsuspecting adults to that cozy-looking house in the woods. Babysitters, beware! The oldest child (Eun Won-jae) has diabolical tantrums; the middle one (Sim eun-kyung) struggles with weird sexual boundaries; and the baby (Jin Ji-hee) vacillates between creepy and cute -- as all tykes tend to do. Since mom and dad can't set proper boundaries in absentia, their latest adopted uncle (Cheon Jeong-myeong) must take on the duties of childcare which here means balancing genuine affection with a growing realization that these three are akin to Satan's spawn. When an ungodly deacon (Park Hee-soon) enters the scene, things go from bad to worse. Suddenly, siding with sociopathic delinquents seems like the lesser of two evils. Wicked comes in all sizes and age groups evidently. Sometimes, you should stab indiscriminately. And run!