October 17, 2022

Horse-Year Bride: No Rock, No Doris, No Fun

I was never a fan of the Rock Hudson / Doris Day movies which reveled in the sartorially stylish '50s and resisted the carnally swinging '60s. Yet that's what Horse-Year Bride recalls — a out-of-date, sighfully silly sex comedy set in a year astrologically reputed to birth the most strong-willed women. And like its American antecedent, Kim Ki-Duk's feeble farce has a flirtatiousness leading to coitus interuptus more than baby making. There's hormones everywhere from the rockabilly singers lip-syncing English pop to the bedazzled modern dancers shimmying to surf guitar yet, most of the time, no one is getting laid. One reason: According to one particularly prudish newlywed, intercourse during pregnancy can cause a cleft palate in the newborn child.

That's hardly the only piece of nonsense espoused in Kim Ki-duk's 1966 flick as its clownish narrator, a fortune-telling matchmaker of dubious talents, intermittently pops up to tell us things like Napoleon had his hand down the front of his pants because of his family jewels and that any incompatibility in the bedroom might be cured with the right yoga practice. Sound like a stretch? Well, follow this film's prescriptive guidelines at your own peril. Watch this movie against my advice. It's frustration on-screen and off.

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