The Pirates: The Last Royal Treasure: Thievery at Sea

Before The Pirates: The Last Royal Treasure, I had no idea that seawater made Korean hair kinky too. Director Kim Jeong-hoon's action-adventure of pirate treasure-hunting is like a public service announcement for wavy hair: Self-assured captain Hae-rang (Han Hyo-joo) sports lush, loose, loopy tresses worthy of a romance novel's cover; doublecrossing Mak-yi (Lee Kwang-Soo) flaunts a long, tighter coil that relaying streetwalker realness; and lead rival Moo-chi (Kang Ha-neul) goes even further with a friz that simultaneously sun-damaged and salon-permed. The only bald character that shows up is a female monk who's shave her head and dies without uttering a single line.

And what would a holy woman even say if required to suck air underwater out of an inflated urine-flavored pig-bladder? What wisdom might she discover? She might say that material wealth shouldn't be the ultimate goal in your life. She definitely would proclaim that pirate garb tends to look like a themepark costume in every single movie. And with The Pirates, she'd recognize that there's no life-saving miracle as theatrical and outlandish as getting swallowed by a giant whale moments before you're about to drown. Except getting burped out afterwards.