Beauty with No Neck: Die of Laughter

It's been awhile since I've seen a film involving disfigured ghosts, a cave of hidden gold, and venomous spiders that can only be killed by fire. Thank goodness for Beauty with No Neck, Lee Yong-min's absolutely cuckoo B-movie about the lengths one greedy man (Lee Ye-chun) will go to become "the richest man in Korea." The plot makes no sense until the last 20 minutes at which point everything is explained. And then... it still makes no sense. But in between a dying man tattooing his baby with clues to the gold's whereabouts and a villain trapped on an island surrounded by a river of acid called "aqua regia," there nuttiness never stops. Here in no particular order are some snippets of absurd dialogue:

1. "I made this myself. Liquor brewed with animal blood."
2. "You're both the killer and the witness!"
3. "I thought you wanted to buy a haunted house."
4. "A devil in human form!"
5. "Your skin's so fair even women would fall for you."
6. "There's definitely some kind of secret in that box."

For the record, that box ends up not containing any significant secret. That animal blood liquor might possess a venom serum. Some femme fatales have sapphic longings, only when they're ready to kill. In Beauty with No Neck, when a character says, "I'll never die," he means it. Even if he dies. And he'll be right!

Piagol: In War, Everything Is Justified

YouTube's Korean Classic Film channel is the Korean film fan's beloved online version of Turner Classic Movies, a treasure trove of restored classics, cult curiosities, and other cinematic wonders from the celluloid vault. Piagol, one of the channel's older black-and-white movies, is a gritty 1955 war pic about a dwindling squadron of North Korean soldiers struggling for relevance and survival at the tail end of the Korean War. As portraits of the military go, it's anything but flattering yet the critiques leveled by writer-director Lee Kang-cheon have a despairingly universal quality: Ranking officers rape female officers with little consequence; villages are pillaged for food then violence is justified for dubious political reasons; discipline is extreme and inconsistent and often pointless; the enemy often comes from within. (P.S. Don't expect the Soviet Union to rescue your ass!)

And it's not just one bad red apple in khaki here. The icy-hot Ae-ran (No Kyeong-hie) backstabs her rival female enlistee Soju (Kim Yeong-hui) for no good reason while both the lead officer (Lee Ye-chun) and that snake of a G.I. Man-su (Heo Jang-kang) pull out knives to literally stab others, with even lower motives on their mind. With WWI poet laureate Wilfred Owen likely staring down at him from the heavens, all the duplicity and detonating bombs in the world cannot and will not kill the Byronesque tendencies of Piagol's impossibly romantic Cheol-su (Kim Jin-kyu), the dashing serviceman who gazes wistfully at the clouds as if posing for a paperback cover of Wuthering Heights. So who surrenders and who dies? Well, the one to ultimately survive the nasty infighting amidst periodic enemy gunfire may surprise you. It sure did me.